she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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