nut hugger
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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