god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
