All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
well you can't waste a boner
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
