It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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