Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize