Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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