sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My life is pants optional.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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