We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
In other news, I just burned my penis
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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