I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
