Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
