last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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