There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
