Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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