Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
