Where did you get a picture of my penis
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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