So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Randomize
