i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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