i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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