R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
