Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize