Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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