We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
