I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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