at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
