Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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