My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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