i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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