cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she looked like the before picture.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
