I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
