Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
