she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
