i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You're like the curious george of whores
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
