Have you finally orgasmed yet?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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