I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize