I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
