my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
