Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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