i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
