I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
