Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Randomize
