Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
