I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
