I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Is this like a preordered booty call?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize