lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
