So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
