I showed him my bush... on skype.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
