I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
