I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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