Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
