Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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