I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i just had sex bonerless
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
