I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
