hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
