just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I wish you could order shots online.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
