maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
