I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
