I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
