i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
