life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
