Sry I called you an 8
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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