You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
