dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
