but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
