alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
