i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
