Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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