I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
